Checklist or no checklist?

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Most LOA gurus and the book The Secret itself says that in order to manifest your “perfect partner”, you need to know exactly what you’re looking for. The desired attributes and traits should not be vague, but crystal clear. Only then, according to the gurus, will you be able to attract exactly who you want.

But what if you find someone you really click with, have a great connection with, but you reject him/her because he/she doesn’t reach your “ideal standard” of what your partner should be like? Hence, on the opposite side, many blogs, gurus and even shrinks say that having a checklist in fact decreases your chances of finding a perfect partner for that makes you too picky. They say that when you reject people based on some ideal standards that you have, you end up being so idealistic that you may miss out on the person who is actually meant for you. They say that you should let the universe do its job, trust life and all that jazz.

So would having a checklist help you be clear about what it is you’re looking for or will it make you a control freak who can not accept imperfections in others?

My opinion on this debate is mixed. I think that one should indeed have a checklist, but that checklist should not be based on media influenced images of who an ideal partner is, because we all have different needs and requirements. It should rather be based on past experience and self awareness. One must introspect his/her failed past relationships and realize from that who they are, what they need in a partner, and what they need in a relationship.

Each failed relationship teaches us more about what we need. For example,  the first guy I dated didn’t respect my interest in spirituality or that I thought very deeply about things. He also used to challenge me with some conservative views he held, and was therefore was alien to what was central to my identity. Hence, I first realized that I am indeed a very spiritual person who is passionate about personal growth, and that ideologically, I am a staunch liberal. This led me to further realize that I need to be with someone who I share common interests and ideology with, or at least someone who supports,respects and enjoys my interest in the same (even though holding the same interest and ideology is much more ideal). But in this case,for the future, common interests and ideology entered my checklist.

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