Perhaps we all get bogged down badly when we hear weird rumors or news about ourselves which we don’t agree with or feel doesn’t reflect who we truly are, I know I do. I start doubting, questioning and beating myself up pretty badly. One of the worst times I felt this was in 8th grade (you can read about it here). The following are ways of coping I’ve thought of now which I wish I’d applied then. I believe that they would be relevant for most girls in their adolescent period, worried about their “reputation”, often in the context of slut shaming.
- Handling yourself: Talk about it with close friends and family. Express your guilt, regrets, shame,(if any) worries and everything with trustworthy people. Don’t go into denial in case you secretly agree. No one is perfect. Forgive and love yourself again. You will never learn (who you are) unless you lose yourself or make mistakes. Laugh at yourself.
- Karma and acceptance: When there are too many rumors about us, and they bother us a lot, it somewhere means that we are trying too hard for others to accept us and hence we are bothered by their opinions. It means that we are guilty of people pleasing as well. So in order to change that, you yourself have to realize what’s making you seek everyone’s approval and why it’s so important for everyone to think greatly of you. At the end of the day, you can’t trust or rely on everyone, and its those few friends you have who really matter, so stop worrying about what everybody else feels. Hence, accept your people pleasing tendencies.
- Handling the situation: Face the people who are saying shit in subtle ways and make sure they understand that they can’t fuck with you. Show as much attitude as you can to the negative elements and try to even enjoy the attention. Empowerment 101 solution (Buddhist) : Forgive the people who are talking shit about you. Forgiveness frees one from negative energy. Its extremely empowering to not keep grudges. This way you’re not even dependent on their approval and are completely above it. It will take time, but is a powerful exercise.
- Bigger picture: a) If you’re unable to move on, remember: they forget when you forget. Its hard to believe but people judge you more by your present than the past, provided you have a present where you’re yourself and not thinking about the past. Going by the law of attraction, if images of the past are still in your mind, that is what will manifest even in the present and people will continue to see you like that (since you see yourself like that). Believe and act like its not a big deal. b) Each time you embarrass yourself, you’re opening doors for other people feel better about themselves and be who they are without shame. You’re also building culture in a sense, because people are talking about you. So think about the impact you’re making and the message that you want to give out.
With these points in mind, I determine to forgive my own mistakes in the past, be my own person, and forge ahead with full confidence!